Only The Curious

There were two really great blog posts in my inbox today, both of which left me feeling better about my life and the way I’m running it.

Matt Chevy wrote about focus. Sort of. Really he wrote about priorities. He talked about how time and time again he’s set himself up to do things – write 500 words a day for his book or write a blog post every day for a month – but then fizzles out well before the task is completed, because he gets overwhelmed and it starts dragging him down. I was relieved to hear I’m not the only one who does this, often over and over again. Just this morning I woke up thinking about the fact that my 30th birthday is this month and I’ve only done about half of the things on my 30 before 30 list.

He came to the conclusion that it’s important to focus on your priorities, and not worry about the things that are taking time and energy and weighing you down. If they’re really important you’ll get to them, and if they’re not, then it doesn’t really matter if they happen, does it?

I left his post feeling okay about not doing all of my 30 things. In reality, I’ve done a whole bunch of other epic things this year I couldn’t have planned for myself, and I might have missed out on them if I’d decided, for example, that I needed to stay home and write more instead of going rock climbing for the first time. My resolution is to follow my energy – what’s flowing, what’s working, and what I’m getting excited about – and not let my worries over my unwritten book keep me from getting things done. I’m going to trust that when the time is right, the energy will start flowing for those things.

Then I opened up Peneolpe Trunk’s post. Sometimes I think she’s brilliant and sometimes I think she’s crazy, (she’s both) but she’s always a good and thought-provoking read. She talked about several things in her post, but the one that stood out to me was the idea of decision fatigue, and how people only have so much capacity for decision making on a daily basis. At a certain point we tire of figuring things out. I think this is why my boyfriend and I fight the most right after work – when we’re both burnt out from the day and something as simple as deciding what to make for dinner can provoke us into hostile miscommunication and anger.

This is also why I’m most productive in the morning, despite the fact that I’m not a morning person. Being self-employed and working alone means I have to decide what I do with every minute of my day – how I do it, where I do it, and ideally, why I’m doing it. By about 2pm I’ve got three free hours and a list of things to do, and by that point I’m usually tempted to call my mom and let her pick, or make a list and pull one of my possibilities out of a hat.

It makes sense that overwhelm and overcommitment aren’t just about time – maybe there’s time to do all of it, but is there energy? Mental capacity? Focus? Decision-making ability? I think both of these posts really get to one point: simplify. Figure out what’s most important, what will have the greatest impact on reaching your goal, and do that first. Don’t let anything else distract you. Don’t worry about what you aren’t doing. Then if you’ve got anything left in the tank, you can start writing your book, or learning spanish, or deciding what to make for dinner.

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To be self-employed or to be an employee, that is the question. It’s a subject that I wrestle with frequently, because I understand the pros and cons of each, and have been on both sides multiple times over the last 5 years. If you look at my resume, you’ll see that I usually have an office job from October through May, and then am freelancing, doing massage, or maybe working part-time in a gourmet kitchen store over the summer. It hasn’t been intentional; several of those lapses were due to layoffs. But it is interesting. The one year that I had a job during the month of May, it took me weeks to figure out why I was so antsy. Then I realized “oh, this is the time of year where I’m usually sitting by the lake with books like “Making a Living Without a Job””

To be honest, my heart lies in the self-employment camp. Unfortunately, my need to pay for things like my car and my health insurance (funny thing happens when you don’t regularly hold an office job: you don’t get benefits. More on that later…) frequently land me back in an office job.

I could write out a list of all the reasons I prefer self-employment, but Everett Bogue did a pretty darn good job of that earlier this week in his post: “27 Reasons You Should Never Have a Job.” I LOVED IT.

The only thing I would add is this: when I tell people I’m self-employed, they’ll often say “oh I could never do that. I need more security. Isn’t it scary not knowing how much you’re going to make every month?” Um, sometimes. Yeah, there are dry months. But you know what scares me more? Knowing I’m only going to make X amount every month. When you’re self-employed, there is endless potential for growth. I don’t have to wait for incremental raises; my salary could double (or more) in a year because one of my income streams takes off. If there’s a trip I really want to go on or something I really want to buy, I just push for a few more clients. Voila, extra money.

Yes, being self-employed is volatile. You need to save more for the down times and it’s important to have supportive friends, family, and/or significant others. But for me, ultimately, the freedom, flexibility, creativity, and potential are overwhelmingly worth it.

That is not to say, however, that I think everyone should be self-employed. It’s not for the risk-averse, or those who need stability. As Matt Cheuvront said today, Don’t Discount the Value of a 9-to-5.

I will admit that, being self-employed, I’ve spent months being broke while trying to build one income stream or another. It’s stressful. It can be lonely. The thing I miss most about having an office job is the social aspect – having co-workers to grab lunch or hit happy hour with. Not to mention brainstorming. And yeah, the stability is nice.

There are reasons for both ways of working. What I think is most important, though, is the mindset you take to your work. You can’t go into business for yourself thinking like an employee, and yet the most successful employees are the ones who go to work thinking like an entrepreneur. More on that tomorrow.

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My Mom is a Myers-Briggs person. By which I mean, she’s certified to give and analyze the Type Indicator test thingy. I don’t know what the official title for such a person is. But she is one. She’s really good at it, too. I’ve learned a lot about type and how to use it in relationships and professional life. It’s really helpful in figuring out how to communicate more effectively, to understand (and therefore avoid) conflict, and why there are some people in the world you just don’t click with.

MBTI helped me make sense of not getting that interview to be a tour guide I had been hoping for. All of the guides I worked with on the Texas trip had a couple of personality traits in common with one another. Ones that I don’t share. So when they said it wasn’t a “right fit,” that’s what they were talking about. Most corporations, companies, and organizations have a certain culture. Some want diversity of types so they have different perspectives. Others want homogeneous types, I guess so that they can expect the same thing of everyone and avoid conflict. Or something. Whatever their reason is, that particular company was looking for homogeneity, and I would’ve rocked their boat.

So I had my month of being bummed out about the fact that I would not be leading cycling tours of Italy this summer. And then I got back on the bike. Or horse. Or…whatever. I kicked through it and am back to figuring out what I’m doing next. Which has meant a lot of reflection and self-evaluation, because I’ve had a lot of periods in my life where I took a job just because, well, I needed a job. The funny thing is, I’ve tended to take jobs that don’t fit with my personality type. At all.

According to the MBTI, I’m an Extrovert, iNtuitive, Feeler, Perceiver. ENFP. Yep. Basically it means I love being around people and am good at communicating with them, I’m creative, I like variety and problem-solving, and I’m very in tune with others around me and concerned with their feelings. I like thinking about the future, about possibilities, and looking at the big-picture. Because of this, I LOVE starting new projects. But I need goals and deadlines, because without them I will just keep jumping from project to project, and may never finish any of them completely. And because I’m big-picture, I need to make a checklist for details, or else I will straight up forget a step, even if it’s a process I go through every day.

One of the keys to personality type is that it can help you figure out your “weaknesses.” But then you have to come up with ways to work with them. Which is why I hate deadlines, but I need them. And why I make lists and write things down, so I don’t forget anything.

A lot of the office jobs I have done in the past loved that I was good with people, great on the phone and jumping in on planning events and running meetings. But they got super annoyed with the errors I would make in, say, a financial report. (Numbers and I are NOT friends.) As I look at job postings right now, I keep seeing the phrase “attention to detail.” I have an ambivalent* relationship with it. I’m GREAT with details when I am, say, planning a party. I will make sure that the food and the music and every last decoration and all have a coordinated theme and it will be seamless. But when I’m doing rote office stuff? Yeah, not so much.

Why do I keep applying for office jobs? Because it’s what’s on my resume. It’s what I know. But I want to do something more than office management.

So I’ve been freelancing. I love that it’s interesting, full of variety, flexible, and I can do it from anywhere. But it can be really hard to motivate, and really easy to procrastinate. Or go start another project. So I need a boss to set deadlines and help me set goals and give me a reason to finish things. Also? I HATE being alone all day. Yes, I’ve gone and worked in coffee shops. Sure, there are people around me there. But I’m not interacting with any of them. So I need co-workers and clients, too. Ones that I go see in person and not just on email and gChat. Oh, and I need an office. Someplace to go. Because if I’m home all day, there’s a guitar, and a workout room, and food I can cook and things I can clean…

I think it’s going to really just come down to finding a balance for me. Either doing some freelancing and working somewhere part-time, or finding a normal day job that still has lots of variety and a little flexibility.

Do you have these struggles? Do you know someone who would like to hire someone like me? Do you need a massage? (’cuz I do that too.)

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*The word “ambivalent” is often mistaken to mean the same thing as “indifferent.” Ambivalence actually describes more of a love-hate relationship, where you’re always passionate about it, but sometimes in a positive way and sometimes in a negative way. English lesson over.

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