Only The Curious

There were two really great blog posts in my inbox today, both of which left me feeling better about my life and the way I’m running it.

Matt Chevy wrote about focus. Sort of. Really he wrote about priorities. He talked about how time and time again he’s set himself up to do things – write 500 words a day for his book or write a blog post every day for a month – but then fizzles out well before the task is completed, because he gets overwhelmed and it starts dragging him down. I was relieved to hear I’m not the only one who does this, often over and over again. Just this morning I woke up thinking about the fact that my 30th birthday is this month and I’ve only done about half of the things on my 30 before 30 list.

He came to the conclusion that it’s important to focus on your priorities, and not worry about the things that are taking time and energy and weighing you down. If they’re really important you’ll get to them, and if they’re not, then it doesn’t really matter if they happen, does it?

I left his post feeling okay about not doing all of my 30 things. In reality, I’ve done a whole bunch of other epic things this year I couldn’t have planned for myself, and I might have missed out on them if I’d decided, for example, that I needed to stay home and write more instead of going rock climbing for the first time. My resolution is to follow my energy – what’s flowing, what’s working, and what I’m getting excited about – and not let my worries over my unwritten book keep me from getting things done. I’m going to trust that when the time is right, the energy will start flowing for those things.

Then I opened up Peneolpe Trunk’s post. Sometimes I think she’s brilliant and sometimes I think she’s crazy, (she’s both) but she’s always a good and thought-provoking read. She talked about several things in her post, but the one that stood out to me was the idea of decision fatigue, and how people only have so much capacity for decision making on a daily basis. At a certain point we tire of figuring things out. I think this is why my boyfriend and I fight the most right after work – when we’re both burnt out from the day and something as simple as deciding what to make for dinner can provoke us into hostile miscommunication and anger.

This is also why I’m most productive in the morning, despite the fact that I’m not a morning person. Being self-employed and working alone means I have to decide what I do with every minute of my day – how I do it, where I do it, and ideally, why I’m doing it. By about 2pm I’ve got three free hours and a list of things to do, and by that point I’m usually tempted to call my mom and let her pick, or make a list and pull one of my possibilities out of a hat.

It makes sense that overwhelm and overcommitment aren’t just about time – maybe there’s time to do all of it, but is there energy? Mental capacity? Focus? Decision-making ability? I think both of these posts really get to one point: simplify. Figure out what’s most important, what will have the greatest impact on reaching your goal, and do that first. Don’t let anything else distract you. Don’t worry about what you aren’t doing. Then if you’ve got anything left in the tank, you can start writing your book, or learning spanish, or deciding what to make for dinner.

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To be self-employed or to be an employee, that is the question. It’s a subject that I wrestle with frequently, because I understand the pros and cons of each, and have been on both sides multiple times over the last 5 years. If you look at my resume, you’ll see that I usually have an office job from October through May, and then am freelancing, doing massage, or maybe working part-time in a gourmet kitchen store over the summer. It hasn’t been intentional; several of those lapses were due to layoffs. But it is interesting. The one year that I had a job during the month of May, it took me weeks to figure out why I was so antsy. Then I realized “oh, this is the time of year where I’m usually sitting by the lake with books like “Making a Living Without a Job””

To be honest, my heart lies in the self-employment camp. Unfortunately, my need to pay for things like my car and my health insurance (funny thing happens when you don’t regularly hold an office job: you don’t get benefits. More on that later…) frequently land me back in an office job.

I could write out a list of all the reasons I prefer self-employment, but Everett Bogue did a pretty darn good job of that earlier this week in his post: “27 Reasons You Should Never Have a Job.” I LOVED IT.

The only thing I would add is this: when I tell people I’m self-employed, they’ll often say “oh I could never do that. I need more security. Isn’t it scary not knowing how much you’re going to make every month?” Um, sometimes. Yeah, there are dry months. But you know what scares me more? Knowing I’m only going to make X amount every month. When you’re self-employed, there is endless potential for growth. I don’t have to wait for incremental raises; my salary could double (or more) in a year because one of my income streams takes off. If there’s a trip I really want to go on or something I really want to buy, I just push for a few more clients. Voila, extra money.

Yes, being self-employed is volatile. You need to save more for the down times and it’s important to have supportive friends, family, and/or significant others. But for me, ultimately, the freedom, flexibility, creativity, and potential are overwhelmingly worth it.

That is not to say, however, that I think everyone should be self-employed. It’s not for the risk-averse, or those who need stability. As Matt Cheuvront said today, Don’t Discount the Value of a 9-to-5.

I will admit that, being self-employed, I’ve spent months being broke while trying to build one income stream or another. It’s stressful. It can be lonely. The thing I miss most about having an office job is the social aspect – having co-workers to grab lunch or hit happy hour with. Not to mention brainstorming. And yeah, the stability is nice.

There are reasons for both ways of working. What I think is most important, though, is the mindset you take to your work. You can’t go into business for yourself thinking like an employee, and yet the most successful employees are the ones who go to work thinking like an entrepreneur. More on that tomorrow.

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About four years ago I was looking for work and came across a posting for tour guides for Trek Travel. Trek, the cycling company, leads luxury vacation bicycle tours all over the world. Biking, traveling, guiding, planning events… I had found my dream job.

Except the application window had closed a week earlier.

Reading that job posting was kind of like love at first sight. I never forgot about trek, and  11 months later, I applied. I probably spent more time on that application than I had for any of my college apps. They responded, I had a brief phone interview, and they said they’d keep in touch.

But they didn’t end up hiring any guides that year. Or the next two.

Then about a two years ago I got a freelance writing assignment from Wisconsin Woman Magazine for their April issue on  “Travel Tips from the Local Experts,” so I called up Trek Travel and asked if I could interview their president, Tania Worgull. (Trek Travel happens to be based in Madison, WI, where I was living at the time.) I did so, and met with their hiring director in the process. It was great to make that connection, and I’ve kept in touch with them ever since.

Then this fall I moved to Colorado. In September, I found a great job with the Mizel Arts and Culture Center, working in their box office as the Administrative Coordinator. Despite being another office job and another nonprofit job, I’ve really enjoyed working there. My co-workers are a lot of fun, genuinely some of the best friends I’ve made here. It’s been great to be back in the arts world, and I love working our special events.  I was overjoyed to find such a good fit job for me so quickly, and have continued to be excited about what a great fit it is.  I set a goal to stay at my job for a minimum of a year, because I’ve never done that, and I think that kind of longevity will be important at some point. I got insurance in January and it was so satisfying, knowing I had benefits, a stable job, and was settling in to Denver quite nicely.

Then about three weeks ago I saw that Trek was hiring for “Soigneurs;” licensed Massage Therapists to accompany their guests on a two-week long ride across Texas to provide first aid and massage services. It was like the perfect fit glove for my other hand. I dropped Garth (the hiring director) a line, and he strongly encouraged me to apply. He said that if they were able to hire me, it might be a good opportunity to see how I would do as a guide. I had a phone interview two weeks ago, and didn’t think it had gone very well…

But I got the job!!!

I’m THRILLED, but taking it has been a challenging decision. This position is only for 2 1/2 weeks. It’s a one-time gig, with no guarantee of future work. So, I asked my current job for an unpaid leave of absence, in hopes that they would be willing to compromise. But they said no. Flat out. No conversation. They gave me a week to make my final decision.

There was never really any question in my mind regarding whether I’d take this job, even if it meant quitting my current one. But now that it’s come down to that, the reality of that choice is significant. Over the past weeks, I  asked many of my friends for advice and help, not necessarily in making the choice but in coming to terms with what it means (and making sure I’m not making a big crazy mistake.)

It seems nuts to leave a full-time job, one that I genuinely really like, for a two week gig. But then, it’s me, and I’m all about winging it, taking chances, and having adventures while I’m able to do it. I’ve had to weigh a lot of pros and cons, and what it comes down to is that I would really regret missing the Trek opportunity, and I am very confident that I won’t go unemployed for long. I do believe that the bigger the risk the bigger the reward, and that change is always accompanied by growth, and that is always a good thing.

In light of that risk, I’ve given up my apartment as of March 1, so I won’t be tied into a lease without steady income. I’ll be gone for most of March anyway, and have a friend who’s offered her basement to store my stuff for a little while. So once I return from Texas, I’ll be starting over with jobs and apartments… again. It’ll be just like when I first arrived in Colorado six months ago, but with more friends.

In the past two weeks I’ve installed and gotten used to clipless pedals, I’ve been working out like crazy, packing up my stuff yet again, and trying to get all of my ducks in a row to have my bills paid and health insurance lined up. It’s been overwhelming and scary and sometimes I just freak out and say “what am I doing? OH MY GOD. WHAT AM I DOING?” And then I take a deep breath, and remember everything I said in this post, and put faith in the idea that this is a change for good and it will all work out in the end.

It will. And thank you for everyone who has been so encouraging and supportive and reminded me of that. I look forward to sharing more about the ride, about how this choice effects things, and how it all continues to progress in the next few months.

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