Stability, homesickness, and did I mention my friends in Wisconsin are awesome?
Posted in Moving to Colorado, Quarter Life Crisis on 08/10/2010 06:00 am by Nicole
Here are a bunch of my Sconnie friends being awesome.
Okay, so I haven’t posted in a few weeks. I wish I had a good reason why, but the only real reason is that I haven’t had anything I’ve been burning to blog about. This always seems to happen when I do a bunch of business or organization or goal-setting related posts. Perhaps I should stick to the personal stuff. You guys like that way better, anyway. Well, that and when I post about taking cupcakes through TSA. That post was really popular for some reason. Also, who keeps searching for the post about the Rice Cooker? Really?
So, I posted on Facebook (oh, Facebook…) a little while ago that I’m having an “oh-my-god-what-have-I-done-to-my-life” kind of day. Several people commented with encouragement (or, in Barbara’s case, friendly scolding) about my work and such. While my attempts at earning a living have become a bit of a quagmire, oddly enough my finances are not the source of this mini existential crisis.
It’s kind of my roommate’s fault. I mean, not really, but the seed was planted on Heather’s 30th birthday, when she got reminiscent about her 20’s and decided that 27 had been the best year of that decade for her. It got me to pondering what year had been the best for me. I knew it wasn’t any time before 25, because, well, that was college and bad relationships and ugly breakups and anxiety and living with my parents for a year and… ew. So it was somewhere between 26-29. (Okay I’m not 29 for another month or so, but 28 is pretty close to wrapped up.)
I feel like I should say it was the past year – it was a big year. I moved to Colorado, and I’ve done all sorts of crazy shit – I found an awesome job and then quit said job to go on a bike tour, dated more in my first 5 months here than I did probably in all the rest of my 20’s and then fell madly in love with a guy I’d put off for three months… it was a year of contrasts to say the least. With all of that change and craziness – despite the fact that most of it I’m ultimately happy about – I can’t say 28 was my best year.
So was it 26 or 27? I turned to Facebook for help. After looking through pictures, I determined that 26 and 27 were both pretty darn good. During that time I had a couple of apartments that I loved, and a couple of jobs that maybe I didn’t love, but they were easy and paid enough and I liked my co-workers. I had the most amazing, brilliant, hilarious, quirky group of friends, who could all hang out together – everybody knew one another. The Odd Tuesday Potlucks were going strong, and the best of the theme parties happened during that time. We had a great frisbee team (The No Talent Ass Clowns) and I had a wonderfully sweet, fun, and caring boyfriend and our relationship was smooth sailing. I was really happy, and life was really good.
So it was 26 slash 27. But really, that doesn’t matter. Picking a “best year” is arbitrary and shaded by a subjective perspective and really there’s no point in even determining it, because what does that even mean? I also know full well that I’m too young to already be looking to my past for the best years, and I want to set every intention that each year will be better than the last. I mean, really, if you’ve decided that the best years have already happened, then what?
And yet what I realized today that caused me to post that Facebook status is that somehow I’m both wildly happy and desperately homesick and missing the one thing I never expected to: stability. Stability is usually a word I avoid, because to me it means a lack of risks, it means settling for contentment instead of unbridled joy, it means a lack of inertia. Stability is the opposite of change, and my motto has always been that change promotes growth, and that’s always a good thing.
But sometimes good friends and not stressing about money and having a place that is yours – all settled in to and comfortable and familiar – sometimes those things are good too. By getting all nostalgic and reminiscent, I’ve realized that by looking at my past, I’m actually looking forward to my future, the one that will develop over time, when I can have all of that familiarity and stability again. And then I’ll probably start getting the itch to have a new adventure…
August 10th, 2010 at 11:06 am
Nicely done, Nicole. What I hear is that you want Roots & Wings. In our either/or world, we overlook that it can be and/and. So I say, have them both.
August 10th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
I dig the “I mean, really, if you’ve decided that the best years have already happened, then what?” line. That’s sort of what I think when people say your wedding is the best day of your life. Seriously? If you’re already had the BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE you should probably just kill yourself.
August 10th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Thanks so much for writing this. It couldn’t have come at a better time. Moving back to the Netherlands (for what will be my longest time yet) has been really disorienting, and I miss so many of the people in that photo too! I know I’ve set myself up for a grand adventure, but I’m scared to ask people if they know English, getting a bicycle has turned into a multi-stage endeavor, and classes don’t start for three weeks, so it’s meant a lot of time in the apartment, interacting with just the fella.
Anyway, I wanted say you’ve really helped me put the whole move into perspective, and that’s awesome. Enjoy your visit back there in a few weeks, and tell everyone I’m thinking of them. And if you’re looking for a new adventure, we have an extra bedroom here…
August 10th, 2010 at 4:59 pm
Well put, Barbara. I think it’s just a hard negotiation to find the balance, but I guess that’s my challenge for right now.
August 10th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
I’m glad you liked that line, Amanda. I think we should always hope our “best” days lie ahead, though really I think referring to a wedding (or any other event) as “the best day of your life” is more an idiosynchratic phrase than something to be taken literally. I think we can look back at the best or happiest days/times we’ve had, but that would forever go with the assumption that there will likely be something even better ahead. As I said in my post, it’s all arbitrary anyway. It’s not like someone is sitting there with a point system rating how good or bad days in our lives were.
On a side note, as an aspiring wedding planner, I do hope that most peoples weddings are one of the happiest days of their lives, and also that there are even happier days ahead in their marriages.
August 10th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Kate, I didn’t know you were living in the Netherlands! How long are you there for? I’d love to come visit if the stars align themselves properly.
I’m glad you appreciated the post, and am always happy to hear if I’ve helped with your own process. I will definitely pass some hugs around Madison for you!